this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
