I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
