I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
