Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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