We're facebook friends in real life
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
