If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
