Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
