my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
