I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
