Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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