I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
