In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
