Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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