Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
