she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
