i may or may not be watching the land before time
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
