oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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