there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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