Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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