No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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