Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
