I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Randomize
