Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
