According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
