Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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