My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
