I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
