If that was your dad, he is hot
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
