based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
