It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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