I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
