Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
