I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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