Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
