Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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