I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
