I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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