Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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