i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
