I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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