They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
