barbara walters just said penis...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I don't deserve a penis
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Randomize
