The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
