I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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