People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
