Im at strip club and am horny
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
