She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
