I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
