he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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