I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
