i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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