you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
